


IN A CROWD

by alana_lerryn



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-06
Updated: 2011-12-06
Packaged: 2017-10-27 00:23:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/289527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alana_lerryn/pseuds/alana_lerryn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team worry and find help in an unexpected place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	IN A CROWD

My hands were shaking and I held my mug tightly wishing I could get rid of the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.  It wasn’t hunger.  Coffee and a choked-down sandwich had confirmed that.  It was fear.  Fear and the nibbling of panic and uncertainty.

     And then they sat down at my table; Sheppard and Ronon Dex and Teyla and I wondered if it had been done deliberately or if they did not know I had been the one …

     They sat with their heads together, talking quietly and mostly ignoring the food in front of them, although from the look on Ronon’s face that would not last long.  I cast furtive glances in their direction, dreading finding their eyes on me when I did, but they were so intent on one another I could have been a growling Wraith in the corner,  They tell me the Wraith growl and snarl before they feed, that their eyes paralyse you.  I don’t know if it’s true.  I guess it might be.  Maybe.

     Then Sheppard’s voice rose slightly and I could hear what he was saying.  “If we’d known … if he’d talked to us …”

     “McKay never stops talking,” Ronon said.  “Maybe we just haven’t been listening.”

     “That is a very wise remark,” Teyla said.  She sounded surprised.  “Indeed, we cannot have been listening.”

     “Carson won’t tell me a damn thing.”  Sheppard again and as I watched, he ran his hand over his face and squeezed his eyes tightly shut for a moment.  “Won’t let me see him … I wanna see him.  I want to know …”

     “No point worrying.”  Ronan dug his fork into his stew and ate with gusto.  “He’s in good hands.”

     “I only want to see him.”  Now Sheppard’s voice was plaintive.  “I just want to know what happened.”

     All at once I felt sorry for him.  It didn’t seem right that I should know more than he did.  He was Colonel John Sheppard.  He and his team were heroes, had risked so much to save us all, and even though some of the stories I had been told sounded impossibly far-fetched, there had to be a grain of truth in them somewhere.  On impulse I leaned forward.

     “Excuse me.”  I kept my voice low,  “I couldn’t help overhearing.  I was the one who found him.”

     Immediately I wished I had kept silent as I instantly became the focus of three pairs of intent eyes.  Ronan put his fork down, Teyla leaned forward and Sheppard’s hands clenched into two white-knuckled fists,

     “You found him?”  Sheppard’s voice, laden with fierce suspicion.  “Who the hell are you?”

     “Doctor Darren Richards.”  Even though the doctorate had been awarded a year ago, it still gave me a thrill to say it.  “From England.”

     “One of Rodney’s geeks.  You’re pretty young to be out here.”

     I had my dignity.  I stood on it.  “My doctorate is in marine biology,” I said stiffly.  “And I’m not that young.”

     “Please …”  Teyla laid her hand on my arm.  “John does not mean to be unkind.  He is worried.  We all are.  Can you tell us what happened?”

     “Yes.”  I stopped for a second, wanting to give them the information they so obviously needed in as clear a form as I could.  Sheppard leaned closer and there was no mistaking the aggression.  I shrugged.

     “I was working with Doctor Zelenka …”  And I could not even say that without a tinge of pride.  Zelenka was a genius.  “… and he suddenly said he wondered where Doctor McKay was.  He called him on the radio twice but couldn’t get an answer.  I offered to go to Doctor McKay’s quarters to see if he was all right.”

     I stopped again.  “And?”  Sheppard said impatiently.

     “Well, I got to his door but he didn’t answer so I thought he wasn’t there.  But still, I …  And then the door opened.”

     “You have the gene.”  Sheppard got it quickly.

     “Yes.  It’s quite strong.”  I looked directly at the Colonel.  I needed him to understand what had happened.  “I didn’t mean to open the door.  I didn’t think I could do it simply by thinking about it.  I just wanted to see if he was there and I must have wished for it to open.  And it did.”

     “Okay.”  Sheppard nodded, seeming to accept the explanation.  “So what did you see?  What was Rodney doing?  How was he?  Was he conscious?”

     “I …”  This was so difficult.  Doctor McKay was a member of his team, his friend.  I knew that.  Everyone knew that.  What I said, if I told them everything, would hurt them.  Were they owed the truth?  I was not sure.

     “Tell us all of it.”  Ronon’s deep voice startled me and when I looked into his eyes it seemed that he understood my misgivings.  “We do need to know, Professor Darren.  Don’t be afraid.  No one is going to hurt you or blame you for anything.”

     I shot a quick glance at Sheppard, whose irritation was now very obvious, and then looked back at Ronon. 

     “Sheppard,” Ronon said, “stop frightening our young Professor.  You’ll get nothing that way.  Now, Darren, just tell us, please.”  His voice rumbled through me.  “Rodney is our friend.  We’re afraid for him.  Please … tell us.”

     I cleared my throat.  “When I opened the door,” I began, “at first I didn’t see him.  I took a step inside and said his name, and he must have moved slightly.

     “He was sitting on the floor,” I went on reluctantly, “crammed into a corner between the wall and his bed.  He had his knees drawn up and his elbows resting on them so that his arms kind of covered his face and his hands were clenched into fists with the heels of his hands pressed against his eyes.  He looked … well, he looked as if he were trying to pretend he wasn’t there, that he was invisible.  And I could see blood on his face.  Not much,” I added hastily.  “Just a smear or two.”

     There had been something so oddly pitiful about that huddled body, something that had made me want to rush over and kneel beside him and try to help.  But he was Doctor Rodney McKay, genius-in-chief, intimidator-in-chief.  I was, I admit, totally in awe of him. 

     “What did you do?”  Sheppard’s voice was flat.

     I shrugged.  “I asked him if he was all right.  Stupid question.  I asked him if he needed help and when he didn’t answer me, I went over to him and crouched down at his side.  He still didn’t move so I called Doctor Beckett and asked him to come to Doctor McKay’s room and I spoke to Doctor Zelenka too.”

     “But not me,” Sheppard hissed.  “Why not me?”

     “Because I didn’t think of it.”  Suddenly I didn’t like being intimidated.  I hadn’t earned it and I wasn’t going to stand for it.  I snapped back at him.  “I was more concerned with getting medical help for him.”

     He flinched.

     “So then Beckett showed up?”

     I could say yes and not tell them the rest.  I really could.  It wasn’t their business.  He hadn’t been talking to them, he’d been talking to me.  But I hesitated too long and Sheppard pounced.

     “Tell us the rest,” he said.  The unspoken threat was quite clear.

     “I touched his arm,” I said slowly, “and he started to shake so badly I thought maybe he was going to have a fit.  His knuckles were showing white and he was pressing the heels of his hands so hard into his eyes that I tried to pull them away.  I thought he was going to hurt himself.  Then he looked up at me and his eyes were red and swollen.  He looked …”  I gulped.  “… he looked as if he’d been crying for hours.  I didn’t know what to do for him.”

     I looked around the table.  Teyla looked as if she had been slapped.  Ronon’s head was down, his dreadlocks hiding his face.  Sheppard was blinking hard.

     Sighing, I went on.  “He spoke to me.  I pretty much remember the exact words.  He said, ‘So lonely.  Can’t do it any more.  No one wants to know.’  Then he sort of shuddered and grabbed my arm.  ‘How can you be lonely with two hundred people round you?’ he asked. ‘It’s killing me’.”

     Chairs crashed back as they rose.  “Rodney …”  Sheppard’s voice was raw with pain.  “God help me, I didn’t know!”

     Then they were gone and I was left to think about the rest of it.  About the other thing Rodney had told me. 

     You’re young,  he had said.  Get the hell out of this place before it gets into your blood and you can’t leave it.  Atlantis.  So beautiful.  So damn deadly.  I stay here because I love … someone.  But you don’t have to stay.  Go home, kid.

     I don’t know what to do.


End file.
